Outlandish Scenes From An Imaginary Bestseller
I want you to close your eyes to try to expand your imagination. Thank you, and if you’re not getting sleepy, we’ll get started. So, with your eye closed, please, picture this: You’ve written a
book that’s sold millions of copies, been translated into dozens of languages…
No Blindfold
My novel, “PARACHUTES NOT INCLUDED,” examines the acceleration of the human condition that aging entails, and as if that weren’t bad enough, at 54, 800 words the story isn’t a reliable roach killer.*
Self-Publishing
This just in: Established writers of the Rich Tribe do not meet every year to coordinate strategies for sabotaging the careers of writers of modest means.
Sacred Cow, a la Joyce
James Joyce is acclaimed as a great author, the greatest, perhaps, that the English language has produced. But I think Joyce is boring—OMG! His conversation may have taken flight at dinner, or
afterwards over a snifter of brandy or port and a good cigar. But as for his writing—no thanks.
BLM
When I was young, there was a racist sitcom that made fun of a particular tribe. I remember the sitcom made me uncomfortable. Do I win a prize?
Industry Professionals
Successful, award-winning writers are never, ever plagiarizers. And, hey, do I have some prime swamp land for you, because plot concepts, zingers, titles, character names, and traits, and everything else that isn’t nailed down, or “protected” by a U.S. Copyright is up for grabs. So, what are your choices?
The Beach
So, yeah, here I am, an official maroon, strolling down this imaginary beach. And on this imaginary beach, and on real beaches too, I feel like a bad guest I’ve overstayed my welcome.
T-Shirts
Who wants a free T-shirt? It says: I want to impress family, friends, and random strangers. Come on, be honest. Raise your hand. What? No takers? I got small, medium, extra medium, large and larger.